Sunday, June 26, 2011

couple deeeeep thoughts

I have written before about my sheltered childhood. It has come to haunt yet again, like a lil sheltered ghost in my marriage. Now, not to say things aren't good with D & I, because they are, most of the time. It's just....marriage is not what i expected. It's not easy. Shit.  I don't know if I expected it to be's more that i didn't know what to expect. My parents are married...celebrated their 35th this year... are they happy? good question. They have had their issues, even though they tried desperately to hide them...i know, they had their issues. But they didn't share any of that with me. They made it seem so easy. You meet someone. You start a family. They take care of you. I never took into account that during the marriage, we are still two seperate people, growing, changing, whatever...a marriage is still 2 seperate people...trying to live together, be each others support while still trying figure your own self out....if that isn't tricky enough, throw in The boys. We are parents first & we have very few issues there. We parent well together. I feel extremely blessed to have him as my sons father. I would honestly not trade him in for another parent. ever. When it comes to parenting, he is my rock.

Have you ever had someone tell you that you need to let, the expectation of what you wanted a person to be, go? I have. Once when I opened up to someone about my mother & they very kindly & very gently told me that I need to let the idea of what i thought my mother should be, or even who i thought she could be, go & begin to accpect her for her. Ocd & all. I got goosebumps when she told me this. I knew she was right. I started working on it in that moment. Of letting go. It has been a proccess  is still in progess...and will always be, a little bit, anyways. I'm still working on the hurt I feel, & grieving opportunities that I missed out on, when I had no control over it. But. It's much much better. And because of it. I am a happier person......I'm realizing I need to do the same with D. Letting go the husband i thought he should be, or the husband i feel could be, & just start accepting him as the husband he is. Because I do love him. As is.

 Last night D, the boys & I went to a bbq @ a new friends place. Her, the kids & I have hung out a few times, but last night was the first night we hung out as families. It was lovely. We all had a delicious, fun time. At one point all the boys {her 3 & my  2} were on the trampoline. The daddy's were outside watching & Shan & I were on her patio having a couple glass of wine. When I noticed that D was letting our boys wrestle on the trampoline which is a huge no no for me. It always ends in disaster. I yelled at him to make them stop & he just waved me off. I looked at Shan & rolled my eyes a nasty habit of mine since I was 2,supposedly & I said something along the lines of when is he going to learn that the situation is going to end in a disaster.

 She smiled & agreed with me but never said anything. Later & another glass of wine we started talking marriage. I telling her that we just celebrated our 3rd anniversary & i made kinda snarky remark about us getting to 9 years {which her & her husband are celebrating in a couple of weeks}. She told me that one thing she learned within the first five years of her marriage with P, her hubs, was that  he is his own person. And she wouldn't challenge that. I asked her what she meant & she said...well, like when D was watching the boys on the trampoline. You don't like that they wrestle, probably because it makes you feel a little out of control with the situation{BAM}. But it doesn't make D feel out of control...he's cool with it. Moral of the story when you are watching them you don't let them wrestle, when D is watching them he decides what the boundaries our. Interesting right. She defiantly gave me something to think about. And honestly, I really respect her for saying that too me. I didn't feel like she was judging me at all, just offering some wifey advice. Mucho respect for me knew friend. Can't wait for more wine bbq's. What are your thoughts on Shan said? Agree? Not so much?? Curious:)

1 comment:

Megan said...

Definitely agree!! We don't have kids yet, so I can only imagine how challenging that will be. But men and women are definitely totally different!!