Thoughts

I'm not sure about you guys, but for me, getting older IS SO NOT what I thought. I think I said before, I am a product of some crazy ass sheltering parents, & somehow my how idea of reality got  warped. Big time. I didn't even know it until the I turned 20. Crazy. But whatever. I really, really thought that life would get easier. I mean, in a way, in a small way it does, but again, just not what I thought. Here is what I thought from highschool on(in the brackets is what really happened)...graduate(barely but did)secondary education(barely but did)stay in small province in our little town forever (flew out of small town airport Nov 98 to stay in a big city with my aunt & uncle for a few weeks. Never lived back home)tons of friends(more like friends in & out of my life. A revolving door. Many didn't stay long) live a meaningful life.... Be the person my catholic, irish parents raised me to be(I had no clue who I really was. A person stuck in the middle of who they want to be, & who they really are & who they were raised to be. Not catholic. As soon as I moved out of my parents home @ 17, I never went back to the church. Except for a short stint at a really desperate time. I was hollow. I chose all sorts of bad things to fill the hole. Meaningless sex. Drinking. Partying. Lying. Whatever. I know I will get into that stuff later. For sure though, not living a meaningful life). Meet a wonderful guy. In small town where I grew up. Date for 2 years. Get engaged. Buy a house. Big huge wedding. Wait for a couple years. Have two kids. One boy. One girl (Met my husband while I was in a long term realtionship with someone else. Broke off with the other guy-a very traumatic experience for me-dated D for about 7 month when I got knocked up with Z, moved to two provinces to a big huge city, rented a crappy townhouse for 4 years. . Zman arrived September 06. Got engaged Christmas 07. Got married June 08 in a small lodge in the mountains with just our immediate families, 10 guests. Got pregnant wedding night. Wy man arrived Feb09. Just moved into our house in August 10). Once, I am happily married. I will forever be happily married sipping drinks together, in our pajama's watching tv, rolling in all our money (oh gawd. Marriage...i don't even know what to say. I am happily married  & I looooooooove my hubby, but marriage is much more like doing business then I could ever ever have imagined. It's like, at the alter, they should have little disclaimer saying that u are not only committing your life to someone, you are also committing yourself to work. That, and they should say that marriage comes with a twisted, 2 sided coin. One side saying love. The other saying hate. They should let you know that coin will flip & flip thru out your marriage. They really should let you know. What a blindside.lol! Thankfully, for me, both me & hubby are committed to working. And growing together. That is so important).

The story continues of course. Now, I am mommy. I have 2 littles. Everyday they teach me things. So many great things. That I forget, that I'm teaching them to. I'm more aware now. But let me tell you, I still have the what I thought would happen(and what is really happening)going on. I'm guessing, I probably always will. Peace out peeps:)