Boo

It hasn't been a fun week. Nothing really "bad" happened or anything, I just find life tough sometimes. The everyday "normal" stresses get to me. I wish I didn't struggle so much with finding my balance in this crazy wife/mommy world that I live. I get tired. Sometimes, I just need a break. It makes me feel weak...i should be able to handle my role better, like all those beautifully, perfect mommy's I see walking into the gym. I should be more like them.  I don't know, I love my boys. I would do anything for them, but sometimes I just feel walked all over.

I haven't had a true break since Z was born. The only nights I have been away from him was when I was giving birth to his lil bro. Other then that, I have not been away from him for the night. I need a girls weekend. Or a weekend totally alone. I just need time with me, because sometimes I feel like I get a lil lost in the everyday shuffle that is just everyday life. Sigh. Woo, is me, right?!

My blog is getting my down too. It's weird, actually. On the one hand, I'm super proud of my lil blog. I started with 0 followers (& have told no one except D) & now I have 32!! You have no idea happy that makes me... that's where it gets confusing...how can I be so proud of something & yet feel so frustrated at the same time? It's not about followers or profile hits or anything like that. For me, it's about connecting with people. I just wish more people felt a connection with me & with my blog. Perhaps I need to open up more or maybe I need to add more pictures or maybe I need more of a theme.. All I do know is that I have ALOT to learn & I kinda feel like a sponge, just wanting to soak it all in. I have to say, I felt better after reading one of my daily blogs,  when a girl met a boy. Alot of her words reflected exactly how I have been feeling lately. I was surprised she was feeling this way, considering her blog is wicked awesome. I also read & re read Vic's comment, to her post, & pretend she was writing it to me. I love her. And I love triple love her blog, Freckles & Fudge.

I sooooo  hoping to win the blog makeover from Lindsay at  Scenic Glory(awesome giveaway from FTLOB). I didn't win. Boo. Happy for who did though!! I just would loooooooove to have my blog, look the way I imagine it to. Every time I click on Lindsay's blog, I can feel it. If that makes sense. I just think her work is beautifully perfect & calming. I need more calm in my life.

On top of everything(literally the icing on the cake),  I have gained 10 pounds. Not a huge deal, but I feel gross. I have been working out all week. Zumba fitness. It's super fun, I love it. I actually thought I might have lost a pound or two(or magically all 10), but today when I was putting my jeans on, I still had my muffin top. Boo, Zumba. Boo.

Yuck. Sorry for the downer post. It's just one of those weeks, I guess. I was hoping for a relaxing weekend & so far, no luck. I wanted to vent everything out tonight and  leave all my negative thoughts here. Tomorrow, I will post something fun. Promise:)